six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
