hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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