moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
