I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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