i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
