could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
