your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
