Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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