How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
