At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
