bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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