when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
