Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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