Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize