he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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