I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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