I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
