I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize