Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
