OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
