I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
