Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
