he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
