Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
