woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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