Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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