I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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