Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
