So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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