oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
