he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
