I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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