Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
