There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
