found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
