No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fuck appropriateness.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
