Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
