shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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