its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
