FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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