by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are we still banned from the library?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
