I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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