jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
