Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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