I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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