I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
