I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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