im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
