make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
