I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
