ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
