This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
