i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
