Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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