Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
