This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I died a long time ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
