Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize