So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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