bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
