I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
