I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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