When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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