Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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