remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
