Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
