either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
