I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize