So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
