The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize