I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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