I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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