Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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