I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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