Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
