Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
