Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
