Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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