Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
