They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
