that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
