i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
