my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize