He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
