searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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