dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize