If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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