Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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