i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
