omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
