RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
