Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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