Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
