Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
