this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
