I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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