Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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