david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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