I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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