the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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