i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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