I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
