Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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