Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
