I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
