I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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