I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
