Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
