8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
