Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
