Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
