I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
