what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
