nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you win again, gameday.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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