I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
