I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
