she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
