Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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