Princesses don't give blow jobs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
