My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
