Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
