so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
